Do I Make You Proud?
by JD Santiago
Summary: Kyo ponders on a certain 10 year old question as he spends a day training in Kazuma's dojo... [Oneshot]


Hello everyone!

I'll be going away for a long time tomorrow, so I decided to write my first ever one shot fic (sort of a drabble).

This Furuba fic is in Kyo's POV. I estimated that the time Kyo moved in with Kazuma was when he was six, so…yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba, or the song "Do I Make You Proud?" by Taylor Hicks.

XXX

It's been years since I've known Shishou, and I still don't know the answer.

It was the question that had bothered me for as far as I've been living with him. It was something that I had hoped that through my efforts would someday be answered somewhat.

But it's been 10 years since I've first asked it, and my question is still yet to be answered.

**I've never been  
The one to raise my hand  
That was not me  
And now that's who I am  
Because of you  
I am standing tall**

I was at Shishou's dojo, taking a break after another long training exercise. It became my routine to visit the Dojo to train three times a week after Shishou visited Shigure's house, and after the incident where in Tohru had finally seen me in my true form.

It was an event that would forever be imbedded in my mind, because it made me see that there will be people out there that can accept me for who I am—people that can see not the cat, but Kyo Souma.

There was Tohru, Shigure…hell, even the nezumi did not freak at the sight of me!

And of course there was Shishou—the reason I came to see the world the way I do now in the first place.

He was the one who taught me that I am not the monster people said I was, that there were people who could accept me.

People who could actually love me…

If Shishou hadn't come along, I wouldn't know where I'd be. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be here.

It wasn't the first time in my life that I've thought of how much I owe the man I longed to call my father.

**My heart is full  
Of endless gratitude  
You were the one  
The one to guide me through  
**

**Now I can see  
And I believe  
It's only just beginning**

I sighed as I sat back on the wooden floor of the Dojo as I looked out the window.

No, I can't call him father, not yet. I am not worthy enough to be his son. After all that Shishou has done for me, I have been nothing but trouble. I caused him nothing but pain and disappointments, and I hated myself for it.

I've always worked hard, training and doing my best in martial arts, hoping that someday I'll be able to beat Yuki.

Not only for the bet, and not only to show everyone that the cat can be better at something than the mouse.

But because if I beat Yuki, then maybe Shishou would be proud of me and then I can finally call him "Dad".

Which brings me back on that annoying question that keeps on popping in my head every once in a while.

**This is what we dream about  
But the only question with me now  
Is do I make you proud?**

**  
Stronger than I've ever been now  
Never been afraid of standing out  
Do I make you proud?**

But it was still a distant dream. I know that I still don't have what it takes to beat Yuki, and it makes me angry.

We both trained under the same master, we both trained under the same conditions, for the same length of time. Hell, I could've probably practiced longer than he did.

Yet Yuki could still mop the floor with me.

After all the effort Shishou has put to train me, this is how I put it to use.

Sometimes I wonder if Shishou is aware of the bet I had with Akito, and how the fights between Yuki and I were going.

Then again this is Shishou I'm thinking about. There's rarely something he doesn't know about, especially if it's about me.

**I guess I've learned  
To question is to grow,  
That you still have faith,  
Is all I need to know,  
**

**I've learned to love,  
Myself in spite of me,  
And I've learned to  
Walk on the road I believe.**

Shishou's Dojo is filled with many memories for me.

It was in the Dojo that I learned how to fight and to defend myself.

It was in the Dojo that I first met most of the Soumas I knew today—Haru, Yuki, Kagura, and sometimes I could even get occasional glimpses the Mabudachi Trio (mostly Shigure, which makes me wonder why. He never really practiced martial arts when I was around anyway.)

It was also in the Dojo that I learned that the world was not the hateful, ugly place I grew up to believe.

I was learning to become a normal kid.

And behind me, as I took every step of the way, was Shishou.

**This is what we dream about  
But the only question with me now  
Is do I make you proud  
**

**Stronger than I've ever been now  
Never been afraid of standing out  
Do I make you proud?**

Shishou helped me up every time I stumbled, watched me stubbornly walk down the road of life by myself, then would eventually guide me back to the right direction whenever I'd get lost and cry for help.

Up until now, he still does that, and a lot more, for me.

And how do I repay him? By always being the loser between me and Yuki. By being the worst problem child there could probably be in the world. By shouting to everyone I knew that Shishou wasn't my father…

I bit my lip in frustration. Kami, how I remember that time few years back…

I got into another fight as usual, because of some kid teasing me about my hair color. What can I do about it when it's natural?!

Anyway, the teachers went on from talking about how stupid I was at being angry because a trivial matter, to how my "father" could allow me to become who I am, and possible how terribly he raised me.

It felt like a knife went through me, back and forth at every insult directed to Shishou.

How could the say terrible things about Shishou? It's my fault I'm like this! Shishou did everything he could, and I was the one who failed him! They shouldn't think of Shishou like that, after all he really wasn't my father in the first place.

With my mind blurred with anger and desperation, I began shouting at them that Shishou was not my father.

"SHISHOU IS NOT MY FATHER! HE IS NOT MY FATHER AND NEVER WILL BE, GOT THAT?!"

**Everybody needs to rise up  
Everybody needs to be loved  
To be loved  
**

As the teachers tried to calm me down, I continued on shouting the same phrased at them, hoping that if I made it clear they'll stop talking about Shishou that way. I hoped that if they stop insulting him because of me, I'll stop them from hurting him.

Right after that, I heard a teacher go to the door and a few more seconds, Shishou went in.

As he stood right beside me as a teacher talked to him, his face remained calm, almost plain.  
But when I first tried to look up to his eyes, I saw a look that made me look back down, not wanting to see them again.

He was trying to hide it, but there was still an immense amount of pain radiating from them.

And from that point on, I felt like…if I could take back those harsh words, I would have done anything.

No, it's not I don't want Shishou as my father. It's more of I don't deserve him as my father.

I wanted to be a better person first—the someone that Shishou can be proud to tell the world that he's that someone's father.

I wanted to tell him this, but I never had the courage to do so.

That was, until a few weeks ago.

**This is what we dream about  
But the only question with me now  
Is do I make you, do I make you proud?  
**

"Kyo?"

I looked up from the soup I was cooking to see Shishou on the doorway. "Konbanwa, Shishou! I was just about to make dinner. We're having fish and soup!"

"Ah, thank you very much. I haven't had a decent dinner in days!" Kazuma laughed lightly. "Anyway, I just got back from Shigure's place. Tohru was asking about you, you know."

I blushed. "Well, what'd she say?"

"Oh, just asking how you were and wishing you luck in your training. What time will you be going back to Shigure's place tomorrow?"

"After lunch, I guess. It's a Saturday tomorrow anyway. They could live that long without me."

The soup was done as I poured it into two bowls. Then, along with the plate of fish, I brought them to the table. After saying our prayers, we began to eat.

**This is what we dream about  
Never been afraid of standing out  
Do I make you proud?  
**

**Stronger than I've ever been  
Never been afraid of standing out  
Do I make you proud?**

After a while, I .raised a piece of fish on my chopsticks and said. "This makes me think of the old times, you know."

Kazuma looked up at him. "Hmm?"

"I remembered the time when we had burnt fish for dinner. I think I was around Jr. High back then?"

Kyo had to grin when Kazuma laughed at the thought. "Yes, I know, you have to thank me for that."

Kyo laughed before his voice turned serious. "Well…all those times I've been living with you…there was something I've always wanted to ask…"

"Really? What is it?"

"Well…" Kyo looked back up at his Shishou. _That despite all the screw ups I've made, after all the failures and disappointments I've brought you, are you…do I…?_

"Kyo?"

"…Never mind." Kyo said. "I'll know the answer soon enough." He got up from the table.

Kazuma smiled at him, not pushing the subject. "That's fine. But you do know that you can always ask me anything, right?"

Kyo paused before he slowly smiled back. "Yeah, I know."

**This is what we dreamed about, **

**But the only question with me now**

**Is do I make you, do I make you proud?**

_It was already ten-thirty in the evening._

_Kyo was sleeping peacefully on his futon with his blanket spread unevenly around him. He was snoring softly and had a peaceful expression on his face._

_A few minutes later, the door to his room then slowly opened and Kazuma entered the room._

_He smiled softly at the sight of Kyo and the tangled blankets before he lifted the blankets to gently cover the orange-haired boy._

_Kyo was murmuring something in his sleep, something about, "I'm gonna… beat you up someday…teme nezumi…zzz…"_

_Kazuma smiled as he brushed some idle orange strands off Kyo's face. "I'm sure, someday the curse will be broken and someday you'll be able to live life you'll choose for yourself. But just remember that no matter what happens, no matter what you choose…I'll always be proud of you."_

_After that, Kazuma got up and left the boy to sleep._

_But as soon as he left, a smile crept upon Kyo's face as he continued to sleep._

XXX

Owari 

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review!

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there!!!


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